You can't take it home, sir. The show is now better recognized than the serious movies it was making fun of, which is why there are modern viewers who wonder why anyone thought the subject matter was funny in the first place. I talk about you all the time, when you are not around. Howard Caine - IMDb Col. Robert E. Hogan: [dismissive] He really knows how to hurt a guy. Col. Robert E. Hogan: You must know some nice kids. Andrew Carter: Sure. Col. Robert E. Hogan: There's a rule or something? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, how is dear wife the charming and delightful Fran General? Col. Robert E. Hogan: Because you could fly or because you were bald? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I will arrange it. Cpl. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Speak up, Schultz. Andrew Carter: Hey Thank you! Andrew Carter: I was just going into town for some beer. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: The execution takes place tomorrow as scheduled. Major Martin: [in disbelief] You're an American. Release Dates Hogan: [the phone rings while Hogan's men are cracking a safe] Answer the phone, tell him it's the wrong number. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Even if the wrong man comes along, you'd better grab him. Colonel Klink: In case I'm, uh, recommended for promotion - not that I'm asking you, sir - I'm sure that the board will take my extremely marvelous physical fitness into consideration. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Be quiet and listen to the music! Cpl. Hans Georg Schultz: Be a good fellow and take me with you. My mind is like a camera. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: That phone call. Back, back, all of you. Col. Wilhelm Klink: You're a little late, my friend. (a beat)Orders from the Fuhrer himself were not to surrender and to fight to the death. Hogan: Do I have to repeat the orders that were given to us when this happy little band of wandering minstrels was formed? Colonel Crittendon: No need to worry, I have a photographic memory. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Then, if you still won't talk, you will be starved, tortured and then shot. No, wait a minute. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I consider it the perfect oversight. You only thought he was stupid. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, Herr General, don't I always do a good job for you? Peter Newkirk: What you mean by that, Colonel? - Oh, excuse me a moment, general. Back! Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: During the days, the temperature is 140 degrees, and at night, it is below freezing. The Fuhrer? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Your lying! Web. Colonel Klink: [about how he got Hogan out of the cooler] I used all my intelligence and craftiness. Peter Newkirk: Where are we going to hide a tank? I've taken all the necessary precautions. Schultz and Hilda look at each other, and shrug]. It's so good when he leaves. Traitors, all of them. Marya Major Hochstetter Andrew Carter: Schultz says I might get shot. Carter: Don't we get a trial or anything? General Stauffen: Don't worry. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Traitors, all of you. It's of great military importance. Top Major Hochstetter Quotes Writing has power, but its power has no vector.